Having just been home, the question that seems to keep coming up is “Anyone special in your life?”. This blog is not the answer to that question, but it did make me think a lot about the dating scene in Hong Kong, and it made me feel quite bleak.
Before heading home, I grabbed dinner with one of my girlfriends. She is beautiful, inside and out, but something sad was in her eyes that I have seen in so many of my other female friends here, and even in myself. It is a reflection of the culture of the dating scene in Hong Kong. This post is not a blame game, and please note that it is simply my opinion and generalization, of expat men in particular, in Hong Kong. However, I hope that it would bring encouragement to all the amazing women that I know, both here and to the ends of the earth.
I have a theory when it comes to expat men in Hong Kong. I believe that many of the men come here, happily married or in relationships, or simply as decent human beings. Then, they start to change, suddenly earning way above what their annual income in one month back home. They can drop thousands of dollars on a VIP table, just because, this leading them to believe that they can treat others with no respect, and women fall for it. They may be gentlemen at their core, but it’s as if this new found money, or the ratio of men:women, just allows them to treat women as an object. It becomes a form of an unspoken business deal. “I paid for all of that, now what will you give me in return?” Or, “Well, if not you, there are plenty other girls that will say yes.” The men, that were once polite, and full of chivalry, suddenly become boys with money for flashy toys, but it takes two to tango. Let us be honest for a moment here ladies, we allow them to treat us like their toys, and as with shiny new toys, once they have worn out their newness, they either get tossed aside, broken, or forgotten.
Countless conversations with friends about boyfriends or husbands cheating on them. Numerous chats with other single girls over their “exclusive friend” that just “isn’t ready to commit” . We allow it. We allow it when we land up condoning the way that the men think that they can treat us, physically, verbally and emotionally. We need to raise the bar, up our standards when it comes to the way we are treated. No, I am not talking about having your boyfriend buy you the latest Prada shoes or carry your purse while you shop. I am talking about being respected and respecting others too. If we as women stand our ground, and don’t allow for ourselves to be taken advantage of, we don’t respond by jumping in a cab at a 4am booty call, we don’t go home with the guy that we met that one night in LKF, instead we say no, and show that we are worthy of being pursued. We hike up the stakes, and then the men of Hong Kong will have to meet them.
I only did one semester of Economics, but what I remember the most is; supply and demand. If we as women stop being the easily breakable shiny new toy that supply themselves to the men in our city, and replace it instead with something of value, the demand for the shiny toy goes away, and a new demand begins to rise. One where women are treated with respect, honor and dignity. Where men are dating women that are able to add value to their lives, that can help them realise their own true potential as men, with something to offer the world. Believe me, those men filling their lives with the shiny toys, are just as broken and in actual fact, they need you to raise the bar, because right now it is very low, even in their own lives.
So, here is my call, because one woman alone is not going to change a culture, but I can light a match to ignite a fire. Let us as women, begin to realise our own worth, and the way that we should be treated. Let us raise the standards of respect and honor in our own lives and in each others, so that we can raise it in the life of the men around us. As the proverb states,
There you have it, I’ve made the call, let’s be great women, together.
Love and adventures always, Jade